I've finally emerged from the darkness of winter.

I've had a few weeks of being sometimes okay and sometimes not, (a huge improvement over the previous couple months of not feeling like a human being at all), but yesterday (or the day before?) i was suddenly completely confident that i was okay again,
that if something brings me down it will be temporary,
that i won't need to hide in bed for days at a time,
that i care about everything again,
that i'm willing to go out at night,
that i'm consumed again by a fiery desire to do everything.

nothing has changed, in a physical sense,
except that i'm finally above the surface of the water, and no longer afraid of slipping below it,
and that a problem is now only a problem, and i no longer have to worry about it breaking that delicate thread supporting all of my emotional weight.

so i realised that, while i was at my desk painting a sign for our distro, and actually cried because i was so glad.
i'm so glad to be back, i'm so glad to be back.