I've had a few weeks of being sometimes okay and sometimes not, (a huge improvement over the previous couple months of not feeling like a human being at all), but yesterday (or the day before?) i was suddenly completely confident that i was okay again,
that if something brings me down it will be temporary,
that i won't need to hide in bed for days at a time,
that i care about everything again,
that i'm willing to go out at night,
that i'm consumed again by a fiery desire to do everything.
nothing has changed, in a physical sense,
except that i'm finally above the surface of the water, and no longer afraid of slipping below it,
and that a problem is now only a problem, and i no longer have to worry about it breaking that delicate thread supporting all of my emotional weight.
so i realised that, while i was at my desk painting a sign for our distro, and actually cried because i was so glad.
i'm so glad to be back, i'm so glad to be back.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I'm deliberately taking the most cynical slant i can on this....
International Development!
In which a bunch of privileged kids from the west/northern hemisphere teach english in a foreign country to make their jet setting and fetishization of other cultures look edgy and progressive.
In which a bunch of people from the north FLY (at huge environmental expense) to the south to help people there build basic structures which anyone could build, including the people who are living there and will be using those structures. Often privileged volunteers have to be trained before they can be useful, but for some reason they don't just train people WHO ARE ALREADY THERE instead.
In which a bunch of privileged kids from the west/northern hemisphere get jobs or paid volunteering positions at ngos in the south which lots of local people in that area are not only qualified to do but who probably also understand better how to do that job in a way that makes sense in that specific place.
In which a bunch of religious nuts go and impose their guilt and ignorance on people who were doing just fine without it.
In which a bunch of overdeveloped westerners who would probably die within months if they didn't have running water and electricity go to "underdeveloped", relatively sustainable places, "teach" the locals how to live better, often with no real consideration for their means or their most immediate needs, and go home feeling smug because they took cold showers for a few months and survived.
In which a bunch of white people go to exotic places to learn exotic things for a few months, mostly hang out with other white people, and then go home and feel really worldly when they tell their friends about it.
In which privigeled north americans go to south america to buy knock offs of traditional south american crafts, made in sweatshops, which they could have just bought in north america or on the internet, and then take them home and tell their friends all about their "authentic" experience and knowledge of that culture
Not to say that every attempt to "help the underprivileged" is entirely ego-driven, wasteful, counterproductive, ethnocentric, racist or classist. But lots of them are lots of those things.
And really, do we really need more development?
I just want someone to figure out how to de-develop north america back down to something sustainable.
disclaimer: someone i know has made the point that critiquing international development on the grounds that we're a bunch of idiots and folks in the third world know what's up is also sort of a fetishization/idealization of "the other". this can be true.
In which a bunch of privileged kids from the west/northern hemisphere teach english in a foreign country to make their jet setting and fetishization of other cultures look edgy and progressive.
In which a bunch of people from the north FLY (at huge environmental expense) to the south to help people there build basic structures which anyone could build, including the people who are living there and will be using those structures. Often privileged volunteers have to be trained before they can be useful, but for some reason they don't just train people WHO ARE ALREADY THERE instead.
In which a bunch of privileged kids from the west/northern hemisphere get jobs or paid volunteering positions at ngos in the south which lots of local people in that area are not only qualified to do but who probably also understand better how to do that job in a way that makes sense in that specific place.
In which a bunch of religious nuts go and impose their guilt and ignorance on people who were doing just fine without it.
In which a bunch of overdeveloped westerners who would probably die within months if they didn't have running water and electricity go to "underdeveloped", relatively sustainable places, "teach" the locals how to live better, often with no real consideration for their means or their most immediate needs, and go home feeling smug because they took cold showers for a few months and survived.
In which a bunch of white people go to exotic places to learn exotic things for a few months, mostly hang out with other white people, and then go home and feel really worldly when they tell their friends about it.
In which privigeled north americans go to south america to buy knock offs of traditional south american crafts, made in sweatshops, which they could have just bought in north america or on the internet, and then take them home and tell their friends all about their "authentic" experience and knowledge of that culture
Not to say that every attempt to "help the underprivileged" is entirely ego-driven, wasteful, counterproductive, ethnocentric, racist or classist. But lots of them are lots of those things.
And really, do we really need more development?
I just want someone to figure out how to de-develop north america back down to something sustainable.
disclaimer: someone i know has made the point that critiquing international development on the grounds that we're a bunch of idiots and folks in the third world know what's up is also sort of a fetishization/idealization of "the other". this can be true.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
oh hai can we be friends kthx bye.
sometimes when i'm walking around the neighborhood i see folks who are wearing all black, but who don't have what i think of as the typical anarchist aesthetic. usually they're either native folks or people who maybe look like they listen to hip hop or something. but, when i see the all-black uniform, i instinctively hope that we are somehow on the same side, that maybe they also have some anarchist tendencies, whether or not they identify as anarchists. (native folks do have, afterall, even more reasons to hate the gov than the rest of us)
i also have this reaction to neck tattoos. there's just something about a neck tattoo that says "i don't give a fuck," and i kinda secretly like it.
of course, i could be entirely wrong about all of this, and if the shit hits the fan i probably shouldn't just assume that i can trust everyone who wears black.
but still. it's strangely reassuring.
i also have this reaction to neck tattoos. there's just something about a neck tattoo that says "i don't give a fuck," and i kinda secretly like it.
of course, i could be entirely wrong about all of this, and if the shit hits the fan i probably shouldn't just assume that i can trust everyone who wears black.
but still. it's strangely reassuring.
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