There is no such thing as automatic community

When someone first said it, i was outraged; "There is no such thing as community. Community is a lie."
I thought, community is all i have, and it's the only thing that makes me still want to be alive, and you're attacking it.

But after thinking about this for a long time, revision is necessary.

In the same sense that i would not call people i happen to end up hanging out with every so often my "friends", the people i see on a regular basis are not my "community".

It's only when i know someone well, personally, care about them and care for them and vice versa that i'd call them a friend, and it's only when that relationship exists with a group that i would call that group community.

My new optimism:
When the interactions that we lazily perceive as community fail to protect us, or when people within that very community do shitty things to us, this doesn't mean that there is no community. We can't assume that acquaintances are community, the fact that we listen to the same music or go to the same shows or identify with the same lifestyles means nothing, but that doesn't mean that there's no community. It means that the community we have is the people we've fostered close, caring relationships with, and that those are the people we ought to be able to rely on. It means that we need to make the effort to know each other and know the needs of our friends and be there for them and that this is our community.

My new negativism:
I have moved to a city where i only feel that close to one person. This is my own fault for not making friends with more people. (It's not that there's no one else i want to be close to.) This goes beyond my own fault because i was raised with horrible social skills in a hostile environment and while i have become aware of that and the problems it poses, i haven't completely taught myself how to socialize comfortably yet. And maybe that's just one of those things that shapes you.

Conclusion: community is possible, but it must be actively formed, and i don't think i have it right now.